Get Fit and Healthy

Posted on September 14, 2011 by iCoach

 

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Harmonic Wealth Seminar – Part II and III

Posted on September 13, 2011 by iCoach

How We Think – Part II

Everything we think has been learned.  It has been taught to us from our childhood, our friends, our peers, our family, the news, and the workplace.  Things we hold closest to us and very much engrained in us came from how we were treated as a child, what we saw and heard as a child, and what we experienced as a child.  As we grew we experienced changes and formed new opinions and perceptions as to how the world worked and how we expected to be treated, as well as how we treated others.

And while all of these people had an effect as to who you are today this workshop and seminar is not about why you think the way you do, but to help you see and understand that whatever negative emotions, relationships, and problems you have in your life can change, because you have a choice, we all have a choice.

Let’s take something as simple as today.  Today you chose to be here because of some beliefs you have about your relationship(s) that you want help in changing.  Now you didn’t have to come, but something within you is begging for a new start, a fresh start and a change you either haven’t been willing to make or are uncomfortable making.  For some of you the changes will come easily, for others it will be a difficult and long road.  And whether the changes you make are easy or difficult is in your control.  Remember everything is in your control, but you have to begin to believe that.  And I know many of you are here today thinking that you are tired of being controlled by others, but the reality is, as harsh as this may sound, is that you are allowing yourself to be controlled.  My sincere hope and wish for you is that you will discover here today, or in the very near future, those reasons and to allow yourself to be free of those who you believe are controlling you and find lasting happiness.

In your workbook I have left certain areas blank and underlined so you can fill it in as we go along.  I have done this so you don’t fall asleep while I speak, hopefully I’m not that boring, and the information and exercises become more memorable and part of you.

So let’s begin by first understanding a little bit about who we are.

I want you to know that you hold your world together with your             attention                    .  And when you    shift               your attention from the world you created it collapses and a new world emerges.

Let me be clear about this.  Right now whatever you are thinking can change in an instant.  Let’s try something simple.  Think about how uncomfortable you are with a relationship at work or with a family member.  Pick one.  Now think about one specific incident where you felt that he or she was being tough, not physically tough, where they were trying to convince you to do something you didn’t want to do.  So look at your reaction to that.  How did it make you feel?  Did you feel angry?  Did you feel stupid?  Or did you take it as a constructive piece of advice?  So now I want you to think about them, not you and your feelings.  I want you to see them as being genuinely concerned for your welfare.  I want you to smile and see them as a loving person and I want you to think about what they said, knowing that this is their opinion about the best way for you to solving your problem.  See how you think, from how you have been programmed and how you want to see things is totally in your control.

You       create        your own reality based upon two things;

Your       intention                       and your        attention        .

Energy   flows where     attention                 goes.

If you intend to listen with an open heart and mind and you believe that the person giving you their advice or opinion means you well then you listen and hear what is being said.  Your attention is heightened and then you can decide what to do with the information you have received.  And now we get back to control.  You can control what you do with that information and that is to use it or loose it. 

Your Attention is paramount because ‘Only Now exists’.

Being in the present moment requires your full attention so that you are fully awake to experience it.  When you are fully    present             , your mind does not wander.  You are focused on what is going on right now, rather than thinking about what just happened or worrying about what is going to happen next.

Life happens to us when    we happen         to life in the     now      .

Now’s here’s the rub, most of the things you are creating you’re creating from deep within your         unconscious             .

 

Why is it that you’re running out of money all the time?  Why is it that you’re not healthy and fit?  Why is that you’re always in the same relationship?  It’s because your moving to that universe that’s outside of your              awareness                        .   So until you heal those things you will never make a positive and profound quantum leap.  A quantum leap is moving to a new universe.


Wealth, Success & Fulfillment – Part III

It’s not    what     you do but      how   you do it that determines your wealth or success or fulfillment in life.

There are 4 key ingredients:

The First is                         passion                     or an intense desire to accomplish something or have something.

The Second is        excitement                         is when you are powerfully emotionally charged or aroused.

The Third is                       inspiration                          or to be stimulated, to infuse into the mind and to communicate that to your spirit.

The Fourth is        motivation                          , which is a willingness to act or a reason to do something.

 

And what’s so alike about all of these words.  They are all     emotions                 .  It’s the 99% of where you want to be to accomplish everything you want.  So you see it’s these components that determines your wealth, success or fulfillment in this life .

As Emerson said, “Nothing great has ever accomplished without enthusiasm”.

Now a lot of people have great           intentions               but poor follow-up.  So consequently having good intentions just doesn’t move you forward, does it.

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Outside, Inside the Box Thinking

Posted on September 12, 2011 by iCoach

Wondering what outside, inside the box is all about? I know you’ve heard the term “think outside the box”, but what does that really mean, and even if you really know the definition do you know how to think outside the box?  I created this term to show you there are other ways to think.  Am I saying the same thing, as “think outside the box”?  Here’s the concept, I am outside the box that I am presently in, looking at myself inside and creating ways to get me out of the box. Creating new paths to remove my self from being inside.  Want to ponder that for a bit?

You see we’re always in a box, perhaps a larger box than before because we have expanded our thinking and ways of getting things done, it’s called growing.  So every time we want to create something new we must step out of the box.  It’s almost like contemplating, “how the universe began”.  Now that will make you crazy.  I can tell you from experience it’s not easy. Even those of us who have practiced this for years get stuck often enough, and have to step back, step out, and think about what we’re trying to achieve.  We have to remove ourselves from ourselves by visualizing everything anew.

The goal of thinking outside the box is to actually do that, which means to think differently from what you know and believe.  To not use all of the same excuses you always use as to why something cannot be done. You must approach this thinking by throwing away all of your preconceived notions about how you will achieve your goal.  Your goal is to create something from nothing, paint your greatest vision on a blank canvas, empty your mind and re-imagine your world.  Do you think Fulton, Bell, DaVinci, Ford, or others could have created what they did by using the same ideas and tools of others?

Whatever the goal, whether it is to gain more customers, build revenue, figure out how to increase profits, construct a new building or design the city of tomorrow.  The magic word is “Create”, to bring into existence, to produce or bring about by a course of action or behavior, to produce through imaginative skill something new, and different.

So you’re probably wondering how you go about “thinking outside the box”?  As I mentioned, you do this by removing yourself from any and all preconceived notions or ideas about how it has been done before.  If you were to re-invent the wheel, so to speak, and you needed to transport an object from point A to point B you would not use the same method of how a wheel operates because you need to invent something better, or completely new.  Let me try and paint another picture for you.  If you mediate this may help.  In meditation the goal is to let all thoughts flow through you, by not expanding on the thought that just entered your mind.  It’s sort of like getting amnesia or having short term memory loss. You want new thoughts and new ideas that can propel you to invent a better wheel, or another completely new method for transportation in this case.

Typically, you or a group of you, will think they are “thinking out of the box”, but you will do the same things you have been doing except do more of it. In other words if you are advertising in a magazine, or on a billboard, or on radio or TV, or through social media, or Google ad words, you will just do more of that in an effort to gain more exposure and more customers. While that strategy can work for you are you really doing anything different?  You must create something new and different.

In football, they are constantly re-thinking plays. The goal of course is to get the ball into the end zone and score points, but they have dozens, maybe hundreds of strategies to accomplish this, don’t they.  And they keep inventing new ones all the time. It’s the same for you.  Easy to think out of the box?  No, but if you want unique solutions and to do things and go places no one has ever gone before (Star Trek, couldn’t resist) then you need to change your way of doing things.

So what is the ‘Key’ to “Thinking Out of The Box”?  A combination of amnesia, creativity, guts, chance and entrepreneurship.  I am reminded of all the job ads I see where they are seeking someone with qualifications having done the same thing as what that company is doing.  They believe that the candidate will be able to hit the ground running using the same methods and contacts to achieve a goal sooner.   While this may be true for the short term, isn’t the goal to differentiate yourself from everyone else.  Isn’t the goal to actually create something new or use a new method?  Many times, I have helped companies just because I didn’t know anything about their industry.  I’m a new perspective, a new way of thinking and a new chance at having bigger successes.  I could go on with stories about why it’s so important to “think out of the box”, but instead I’ll leave you with this… “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is, yes, “a form of insanity”.

Now go and put on a new hat today and create your greatest dream, or hire someone already outside the box to help you get ahead.  I can tell you that paying a little more for a consultant can be a lot better, and a lot less expensive in the long term,  than paying a little less for an employee, who in the long term may cost a lot more.

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MLM’s vs Pyramid Schemes

Posted on September 9, 2011 by iCoach

In my previous blog I talked about how an MLM business is different from a Brick and Mortar company.  I also mentioned how many still believe that MLM’s are a Pyramid scheme. Here are the differences and what you need to do to be successful in an MLM.

First, let me define a Pyramid (yes it looks just like the ones built in Egypt) and how most MLM’s work.  A Pyramid scheme, as it’s called, is a non-sustainable business model that involves promising participants payment, services or ideals, primarily for enrolling other people into the scheme or training them to take part, rather than supplying any real investment or sale of products or services to the public.  Pyramid schemes are a form of fraud.

An MLM is a marketing strategy in which the sales force is compensated not only for sales they personally generate, but also for the sales of others they recruit, creating a down line of distributors and a hierarchy of multiple levels of compensation.  Other terms for MLM include network marketing, pyramid selling,(not to be confused with pyramid scheme) and referral marketing. 

Most commonly, the salespeople are expected to sell products directly to consumers by means of relationship referrals and word of mouth marketing. Some people equate MLM with direct selling, although MLM is only one type of direct selling.

MLM’s are not for everyone and not everyone makes money in an MLM.  There are many reasons, so let me give you some examples of what it takes to be successful.

  1. It takes time!  Most people think you sign up and it’s instant business, it’s not. Be patient.
  2. It’s a business!  Just like any other business you need to advertise it and talk to people.
  3. It takes belief in your product and/or service!  If you wouldn’t eat it, or use it why would anyone else?
  4. It takes money!  Some more than others.  There is the product you purchase for yourself, which is good because you like it and use it.  Then sometimes you need to buy samples, business cards, brochures, and perhaps Internet ads.
  5. It takes a strong team and support!  You need team support and love from your up-line.
  6. It takes a good compensation plan!  There are many ways to construct a comp plan and too many to discuss here.  So do your homework and make sure it’s sensible and you get paid quickly.
  7. It takes discipline! Yes, you must do something everyday to promote your business, just like going to work for someone else, except the rewards can be greater.

Now this Blog isn’t meant to be all-inclusive, so if you’ve never been part of an MLM or in your own business, just know it’s different and you have to work it as you would any other business. Finally talk to those who are successful and find out their secrets before making that decision.

And here’s my plug for JEUNESSE.  As I mentioned in my first blog about MLM’s, there is a reason I chose JEUNESSE.  I am into health and wellness, internal and external, and from my research and discussions with others who are using this product I believe it does what it says. I have been using it a short while and I see small results, and I will continue to use it to get the results others have achieved.

This product is derived from stem cell media and is then formulated with other state-of-the-art ingredients to create a “one of a kind” anti-aging facial serum, called LUMINESCE™ a cellular rejuvenation serum.  The synergistic combination of the stem cell technology and natural body processes stimulates the production of matrix proteins such as collagen and elastin. This results in the plumping and firming of the skin, which helps to diminish the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.

There are many products on the market, as you know, which claim these benefits, however this is a patent pending process from Nathan Newman, M.D. and Vincent C. Giampapa, M.D., F.A.C.S., both world-renowned cosmetic surgeons.  It costs nothing, but a few minutes to check out JEUNESSE, just go to – http://www.skin4life.jeunesseglobal.com/

By the way you don’t have to be in the business if it doesn’t suit you, but you can buy the products and enjoy a more vibrant, youthful appearance.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and if you have questions just email me at arthurjames@thecoffeehousecoach.com

Have a great day and stay healthy!

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MLM’s vs Brick and Mortar Businesses

Posted on September 9, 2011 by iCoach

Is an MLM business so different from a Brick and Mortar company?  Most people will say, “you betcha”.  While they are different, both serve a purpose, but an MLM is more advantageous to your financial wealth than the other.

Unfortunately, many people still believe that MLMs are a Pyramid scheme.  They are not!  Pyramid schemes are illegal.  MLM’s have that stigma just like car dealers still are viewed as “used car salesmen”, out to get you and cheat you.

MLM’s are just another method of getting products to the marketplace without going through many levels of marketing and distribution.

Let’s compare how a product gets to market:

Standard Method                     MLM Method

Manufacturing                            Manufacturing Manufacturing sales team            Distributor (you) Distributor                                 End User (customer) Distributor sales team                                             Brick and Mortar Outlet                                             End User (customer)

In the standard method there are at least 5 separate businesses to get the product to the end user and it’s very costly.  With each level you are supporting a brick and mortar building and all the sales, marketing, and administrative people, office equipment and supplies, advertising costs from the manufacturer, the distributor and the retail establishment, merchandising, trade shows, and the list goes on.  You see each level essentially duplicates the efforts of the other, and that’s why the cost to you and me are so high.

With the MLM method you have eliminated many costs, which is why you can get paid what you do, and why you can get paid through several levels.  The end product cost is essentially the same, but now you and I can be compensated for our efforts and still enjoy a good product.

I want to talk to you about a product that I like, and I am involved with, it’s called Snack Healthy.  Now you and I know there are hundreds, maybe thousands of MLM companies out there, some have products, some provide services, and some both.

Since I am into health and wellness, I chose Snack Healthy.  Snack Healthy is made from quality ingredients, is Gluten Free, manufactured under kosher conditions, and is packed with as much protein as you can get into these snacks.  Lets’ face it, we all like to snack, but why do you have to compromise your health when snacking?  So through my research and to satisfy my needs I found Snack Healthy to be a great choice.  By the way you don’t have to be in the business if it doesn’t suit you, but you can buy the products and enjoy a healthier lifestyle.

It costs nothing, but a few minutes to check out Snack Healthy, just go to http://great4u.snackhealthy.com/

I’d love to hear your thoughts, or if you have questions just email me at – great4uat@gmail.com

Have a great day and stay healthy!

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What’s Your ROI?

Posted on September 7, 2011 by iCoach

Do you know where your customers are coming from? Do you understand your options? Do you know who is your audience? Do you know what media to you use to reach them? Do you know what ROI means? If you don’t have some or all of these answers you are spending too much time and money without the correct results.

To begin ROI is “Return on Investment”, and it’s not always easy to figure out, but when you do it’s easy to calculate, as there are lots of parts to it. I recently read and posted an article about calculating your ROI using Social Media. The question is this, “how do you calculate your ROI and is there a need to? As the writer says “That’s the question that gives me ulcers when asked it”.

As an, “old-school” business person used to using print, radio and TV, and using coupons, specials and more to try and gauge or calculate the ROI it seems easier for social media. From my experience there is no doubt that while the use of “Social Media” is a lot different than the “Old School” media I know, it is easier to calculate your ROI. If your not old enough to have used the “Old School” methods you may have no comparison and have to take my word for it.

First, if you want to spend your money wisely calculating ROI is necessary. Any smart businessperson would do that. So how do you calculate your ROI whatever marketing method you use? Well to begin with you need some way to measure where your viewers, or traffic are coming from, and then to measure your sales and where they are coming from. The real key is measuring sales, because you can have a ton of traffic, which seems great, but if you don’t have sales/customers you’re dead in the water. BTW you do need to know the amount of traffic so you can measure how many people you need to reach to achieve a sale.

Years ago when I had a brick and mortar business, and probably one of the few who had a website, I bought into SEO marketing. Even though I got a lot of hits to my website I received almost no calls. So this told me I needed to look at why my site wasn’t working, what my competition was doing and who were the people I was reaching through this SEO strategy, and then what I needed to change.

As an example let’s say you pay for affiliate ads, or Google adwords, or advertsing on FaceBook, etc. While you can measure how many people are visiting your site, can you measure how many people are purchasing from any of those marketing venues? Of course you can that’s why social media and Internet marketing is a much better bargain than the old school way.

What’s great about Internet monitoring is the protocols you can imbed in your website, such as Google Analytics, which gives you info about page hits and more. In addition Alexa.com will let you know where your site ranks and so when you change or add what you are doing to your website or in multiple places you can also track what’s working. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Now here’s the thing about measuring your ROI, you now have to create line items for your costs vs. your return. Return is all of your sales, that’s easy. Your cost is a list of things you may or may not have considered and here’s some for you to ponder and then attach a cost to them. Once you do this then the calculation is easy. Just dump it all into an Excel spreadsheet and voila!, you get the answer. Just take all your expenses from that venue and divide it by the total sales you have.

To get you started here’s the list of expenses, which includes your time or what you pay someone for the work that needs to be done.
1. Marketing Research
2. Answer emails and phone
3. Phone meetings
4. Customer Follow-up
5. Writing Articles
6. Writing and Submitting ads
7. Postings on FB, Twitter, Stumbleupon, Digg, IBO Toolbox and, and, and

As you see the time really adds up. Each day record all the time you are spending on doing all the things you do to get business and then do the calculations.

Your time = 20 hours at $25/hr = $500
Someone else’s time = 30 hours at $15/hr = $450
Cost for ads (adwords, affiliate links, FB ads and ??) = $500

So your cost per sale is ($1,450 / 10) $145. Answer you need more sales or you need to lower your costs.

Hope this helps. For questions or help email me.
ArthurJames@TheCoffeeHouseCoach.com

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How Healthy are You, Do You Know?

Posted on September 5, 2011 by iCoach

Did you know that 66% of the population of the US is overweight. Here’s what the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey states: About two-thirds (66%) of adults in the United States are overweight, and almost one-third are obese. By the way some surveys actually put the overweight now at 70%.

The most commonly used method today to calculate if you are overweight is the body mass index (BMI). BMI is an index of weight adjusted for the height of an individual. Calculating BMI is simple, quick, and inexpensive—but it does have limitations. One problem with using BMI as a measurement tool is that very muscular people may fall into the “overweight” category when they are actually healthy and fit. Another problem with using BMI is that people who have lost muscle mass, such as the elderly, may be in the “healthy weight” BMI category (BMI 18.5 to 24.9) when they actually have reduced nutritional reserves. BMI, therefore, is useful as a screening tool for individuals and as a general guideline to monitor trends in the population, but by itself is not diagnostic of an individual patient’s health status.

An easy way to calculate your BMI using pounds and inches, multiply weight in pounds by 704.5,* divide the result by height in inches, and then divide that result by height in inches a second time. (You can also use the BMI calculator at http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bm.

Here are some of the problems with being overweight and obese: (Remember that we’re talking about those with a higher FAT ratio than MUSCLE ratio).

Overweight
♥    diabetes
♥    coronary heart disease
♥    high blood cholesterol
♥    stroke
♥    hypertension
♥    gallbladder disease
♥    osteoarthritis (degeneration of cartilage and bone of joints)
♥    sleep apnea and other breathing problems
♥    some forms of cancer (breast, colorectal, endometrial, and kidney)

Obese
♥    complications of pregnancy
♥    menstrual irregularities
♥    hirsutism (presence of excess body and facial hair)
♥    stress incontinence (urine leakage caused by weak pelvic floor muscles)
♥    psychological disorders, such as depression
♥    increased surgical risk
♥    increased mortality

Here’s the US statistics.

Overweight – Age 20 and older
All adults: 133.6 million (66 percent)
Women: 65 million (61.6 percent)
Men: 68.3 million (70.5 percent)

Obese – Age 20 and older
All adults: 63.6 million (31.4 percent)
Women: 35 million (33.2 percent)
Men: 28.6 million (29.5 percent)

Healthy Weight – Age 20 and older (not necessarily healthy)
All adults: 65.4 million (32.3 percent)
Women: 38.1 million (36.1 percent)
Men: 27.4 million (28.3 percent)

Overweight – Children and Adolescents:
Approximately 17.5 percent of children (age 6 to 11) and
17 percent of adolescents (age 12 to 19)

If you aren’t already thinking about the following I’ll give you a head start on the ramifications of being overweight.

♥    Increased health care costs—both direct and indirect – cost $117 billion (2002).
Direct health care costs refer to preventive, diagnostic, and treatment services such as physician visits, medications, and hospital and nursing home care.
Indirect costs are the value of wages lost by people unable to work because of illness or disability, as well as the value of future earnings lost by premature death.

♥    Lost productivity – cost is $3.9 billion (2001)

Beyond those more measurable costs there are the following potential effects:
♥    Early death – Leaving young children without a parent
♥    Loss of mobility causing others to care for you
♥    Lack of self-esteem
♥    Inability to function or participate in certain sports
♥    Loss of a job or being overlooked for a promotion (yes it is judgmental)
♥    Transportation difficulties
♥    Clothing costs
♥    Auto gets lower gas mileage because of additional weight

I’m sure you can add to the list.

Just so you know I have no judgments about overweight people as I have some very great friends who are overweight, hard not to have any with 66% – 70% of the population in that category.  I only point this out to be clear that getting on the healthy side of life has many advantages not just for the overweight person, but also for your friends, your family the economy (yours, and ours) and our environment.

While there are many diet programs out there and I am not a fan of them for the long term.  Many can help, short term, to set you towards your goals, but the fact remains that unless you get a mindset of how you want to look, eat the correct foods and exercise regularly you will be on a roller coaster ride for life.  Remember, exercise is a key component to see long-term results.

If you want more detailed info and personal assistance just send me a note or an email and I’ll get back with you.  Anyone can be healthy and fit if you really, really want it and I can show you the way.

BTW, I’m 66 in the attached pic.

You can look and feel great.

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United or Divided States of America

Posted on August 28, 2011 by iCoach

Are we truly united or are we divided?  I’m confused, are you?  Why is that we only have two parties?  Why is it that each of these parties doesn’t speak the same language?  Why is it that they don’t have the same agenda?  An agenda that should be united in equality for all Americans.

I want a team called the Republicrats!  You see, a team works together for the good of everyone.  A party is a gathering where each person does what makes them happy, and that’s what we have now “A Party”.  Our government is having a party at our expense.  No one in either party is suffering.  None of them are lacking.  None of them ever vote to have the same benefits or pay, or should I say lack of benefits or pay that the majority of Americans have, or do not have.

I’m also tired of the lies, both by those for and against our system.  We need to stop the exaggerations and outright lies to make a case.  So here are some facts about what the House and Senate receive.  There are 535 members of Congress: 100 Senators and 435 Representatives.  The District of Columbia has one non-voting Delegate in the House of Representatives.

The current salary (2011) for rank-and-file members of the House and Senate is $174,000 per year.  Members of Congress receive retirement and health benefits under the same plans available to other federal employees.  They become vested after five years of full participation.  You may have read that Members of Congress do not pay into Social Security.  Well, that’s a myth.

Prior to 1984, neither Members of Congress nor any other federal civil service employee paid Social Security taxes.  Of course, they were also not eligible to receive Social Security benefits.  Members of Congress and other federal employees were instead covered by a separate pension plan called the Civil Service Retirement System (CSRS).  The 1983 amendments to the Social Security Act required federal employees first hired after 1983 to participate in Social Security.  These amendments also required all Members of Congress to participate in Social Security as of January 1, 1984, regardless of when they first entered Congress.  Because the CSRS was not designed to coordinate with Social Security, Congress directed the development of a new retirement plan for federal workers.  The result was the Federal Employees’ Retirement System Act of 1986.

Members elected since 1984 are covered by the Federal Employees’ Retirement System (FERS).  Those elected prior to 1984 were covered by the Civil Service Retirement System (CSRS). In 1984 all members were given the option of remaining with CSRS or switching to FERS.

According to the Congressional Research Service, 413 retired Members of Congress were receiving federal pensions based fully or in part on their congressional service as of Oct. 1, 2006.  Of this number, 290 had retired under CSRS and were receiving an average annual pension of $60,972.  A total of 123 Members had retired with service under both CSRS and FERS or with service under FERS only. Their average annual pension was $35,952 in 2006.

Okay now that we have some “Factual” information what do we do with it?  First we may want to consider that no one in Congress serve more than 4 years.  This eliminates any government retirement spending.  Next we consider eliminating the number of Congressmen we believe we need.  We do not need to pay and support 535 elected officials, who do not have our best interests at hand and can’t ever agree.  Perhaps fewer people will have the ability to come to an agreement.

Let’s begin with having only one Senator per state and maximum of four Representatives per state based on percentage of total population of the U.S.  This would eliminate 285 positions, saving an average of $50 million in salaries.  We could also eliminate an average annual pension of those eliminated positions of $36,000 a year each for a total of $10 million a year.  Then there are other additional benefits and support they receive for health plans, expenses for travel, administrative staff, and office, and more that I am not going to research or elaborate now.  I’m guessing that these additional costs could be another $50 million a year.  So what could we save, by my modest calculations, more than $100 million a year.

Let’s also realize that many of those in government office are out for themselves.  They have huge egos and spend an inordinate amount of time campaigning.  Most don’t read, or have time to read, all the bills put forward each year, many unnecessary, and many mired in legalese that no one understands.  And there is no real plan that I can see.  Typically what is being done is to fix the mistakes they made.  As we can see any corporation that is managed the way government is managed, or should I say mismanaged, would be out of business.  Which we are if it weren’t for the fact that we can print the money we need.  How ludicrous is that?

So don’t you think it’s time to form another team, not a party, for the people, for US!  It is proven that with a combination of people from diverse backgrounds and diverse education, abilities, ages and levels of income we can come up with a plan that works better than anything we presently have or will ever get based on history and the lack of our present representatives willing to cooperate.

All you Republicrats out there take a stand.  Who is with me to create a REPUBLICRAT website and a logo to match?  Let’s make the changes necessary to get back to basics and manage this country with compassion and love for all, and of course be fiscally responsible.

Contact me at arthurjames@TheCoffeeHouseCoach.com for a United America.

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RelationshiP or RelationshiT

Posted on August 10, 2011 by iCoach

Be Happy

When we say the word relationship we typically think of a personal connection with a spouse or significant other.  However, there are many other relationships such as with your co-worker(s), siblings, children, parents, friends and even those people who come into your life for just a few moments each day, or each week at a store, or who come into your home to provide a service.

Of course the ones we think about the most are those relationships where we are in contact on a daily basis.  The question is how much do you really think about the relationship that exists between you and that other person?  Of course if your relationship is a good one where you get along most of the time, where you communicate well with one another, and you have a fairly strong bond there is usually little to think about.  Then there are the other relationships, or should I say relationshits.

Most of us give little thought to our relationships except when we are forced to.  Then we are forced into a situation were we typically act like the other person needs to change their attitude.  At some point in our lives we must face the fact that our relationships may require some effort on our part to keep them healthy, vibrant, interesting and fun.  Actually, you need to be 100% responsible for your relationships.  If you don’t those seemingly strong relationships can wither, and die, or become a relationshit.  And I know that’s not what you want.

There are many questions to ask yourself, and I’m going to help you get started. So to begin ask yourself the following questions of each, and every relationship you have. You may think of a few more questions.  Here’s a hint, when you are answering these questions pay close attention to how you feel.

  1. What do I expect from myself and the other person?
  2. How do I communicate my expectations?
  3. How does the other person communicate their expectations to me?
  4. What are my feelings and opinions of each of them?
  5. What improvements would I like to see in each relationship?
  6. Why am I in this relationship?
  7. Do I have to continually watch what I say or can I be open and candid?
  8. How do I feel immediately upon thinking about or seeing this person?
  9. Is this relationship occasionally or often a problem?
  10. Do I value this relationship, and why?

The feelings you had when answering will tell you a lot about that relationship, and what you must do to either heal it, or forget about it.  What I’m asking you is this, “Do I need, or want this relationship to exist”.  Then ask yourself, “What am I willing to do about it”?

Of course the more intimate the relationship the more contact we have and the more we receive and give attention to it.  They say that opposites attract, and while there may be some validity to this, opposites usually take more work, and certainly more work, and understanding.  While being an opposite of someone can bring you new, and exciting things, and you can learn new ways of being, and doing things, there are also the challenges of wanting to do, and allowing doing, things in a different way. Subconsciously, our minds could be telling us that this is an opportunity to become a more complete individual, by causing us to see, and understand those things in life that are most difficult for us to deal with, and overcome.

Once you understand your personality, and the other person’s personality then you will have a better understanding of how you will get along, and be able to relate to one another.  Here are two places to go to that will help you understand who you are, and your personality type.  http://www.personalitypage.com and http://thecoffeehousecoach.com/get-inspired/personality-test/ Try it, and then ask those other significant people in your life to partake as well.  Perhaps this will lead to a better and happier relationship for both of you.

One final thought to remember.  You cannot change someone else you can only change yourself so I will share two quotes that I believe sum up what I’m talking about.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”  Gandhi

“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.”  Ben Franklin

Think about it and then take time to improve your relationships it will make your life so much happier.  RelationshiP or RelationshiT, which will you choose?

Arthur J Tassinello

Author of “Quantum Shift into Greatness”

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Communication the Foundation of Any Great Relationship

Posted on July 18, 2011 by iCoach

“It’s a tale as old as time, true as it can be”.  So what am I talking about?  If you sing it you’ll know.  It’s the first line of the song to Beauty and the Beast.  You see life mimics art and in this case the story of these two Disney characters.

I realized one day as I was driving and listening to the Broadway channel on XM radio that what was written for this song was no coincidence to what I was about to write on the subject of relationships and communication.  The lyrics have a way of letting us see what it takes to have better relationships and not just fairytale ones at that.

What I’m getting at, is that beauty, of course is the woman, and yes, the beast is the man.  In actuality it’s not too far off from what we experience in our relationships today.  There is no doubt that men on average are more like beasts, ready to do battle, and women more like the rose always trying to smooth things over.  Their communication is poor because they don’t understand their differences and how to approach one another.

Right now, as I am speaking to you, my communication has flaws.  It’s not perfect and it never will be.  And while I practice to write and to be as clear as I believe an article or blog can be there will be miscommunications.  The best I can hope for is to say what I mean in several different ways using metaphor and analogy to get my point across and to create a better understanding.  Now wouldn’t it be great if we could take the time to express ourselves to others, and in particular to our partners, in a way that would get our point across and allow the other person to listen and hear what we are saying?

While we don’t always take the time to make our conversation clearly understood there are a few things we can do to help alleviate many miscommunications.  And this goes for any communications, or conversations you are having whether business or personal.  Don’t you think it would be great to be able to communicate clearly and succinctly and have others really engaged in what you have to say and not be on the defense or waiting for you to shut up so they can speak?

Right now can you tell me what I’m writing about?  Okay, I hope you said communication and relationships, because if you don’t understand this now then I have done a lousy job of communicating to you why you are here today.

In Beauty and the Beast we have two people who have never met before and while they are forced into this situation they need to communicate if things are going to go well.  In the next line of the lyrics it goes “Barely even friends then somebody bends unexpectedly”.  What I like about this line in particular is that it points out the fact that while they hardly know each other there must be some flexibility.  In order for them to get along someone has to be listening and be flexible enough to change how they are being in order for the other person to take down their defenses and be ready to listen as well.  Could that be you?

Recognize that our differences are our strengths.  If we all were the same then we wouldn’t be able to create anything new.  We must allow our differences and be able to understand them and be similar in the sense of opening up our minds and hearts to communicating what we need and how to help one another.  So, “Take that stick out of your arse”, smile and listen.  That’s why you have two ears and one mouth.

As I was saying , the obvious and not so obvious physiological differences of our genders, meaning the hormones and testosterone that are part of our feminine and masculine makeup are part of the differences that challenge our communications every day.

So why are we so damn stubborn?  Mostly because it has to do with being right.  As the saying goes, “Do you want to be right or have peace”?  Yep, not one of us wants to be seen as the person who gets it wrong, who doesn’t know how to do something or doesn’t have the answer or doesn’t know what they are talking about.  I think the governments of the world need to understand this.

Actually the perfect relationship was Adam and Eve.  Do you know why?  Because he didn’t have to hear about all the other men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about how great his mother’s cooking was.

So how did we get here?  It’s in our genes, no not the ones you’re wearing, and what’s been taught to us.
“The gospel says, that it’s never too late for anyone to change.  No one is locked into what he or she has always been and done.  You are not a prisoner of your track record.  You can change… it’s God’s hope for all of life.  It’s the very heart of the gospel, whatever your political or theological stance is.  It’s never too late.” – Bruce Larson

In order to get to a solution we first must truly understand our differences to be able to build a framework of admitting that while we all want to be equal we just don’t have the same makeup of genes and upbringing.  Equality is wonderful, but do we really know what that means and do we all really share the same definition?

Let’s begin when a mother gives birth to twins, one male, and one female.  The parents begin by immediately going out to purchase things for each child.  The male child gets a baseball bat, a glove, a football, hockey gear, a gun, and a subscription to ‘Playboy’.  The female child on the other hand gets dolls, stuffed toys, cookware, and a subscription to ‘Food and Wine’.  We begin by teaching the child what we have been taught and what society expects.  It’s crazy, isn’t it?  We teach a male child what we think a male child, ‘should be interested in’, and vice versa.  And by the way I really dislike the word should.  If you’ve read my blog, “Should I, Should You”, you’ll understand this pet peeve of mine.

Unfortunately no one really knows when the human race decided to make such a distinction between how a man is to act and what he does, and how a woman is to act, and what she does.  And given that we are, where we are, we have to make allowances for what we have learned from childhood and try to break through the barriers of our gender to see one another as equal and deserving of everything that life has to offer us.

Here’s the question, “Do you think that you’re a good communicator”?  Okay then, “Do you think that the other person is a bad communicator”?  See my point.  If not, remember that you are 100% responsible for the communication, not 10%, not 50%, not 99%, 100%!

It’s not about the other person it’s about you.  My most favorite quote of all time is from Gandhi, he said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”.  You really have to get what he said, you really have to get that point all the time and unless you truly understand that point, it will be very difficult for you to have a great conversation with anyone, especially your significant other.  The other quote that I would have to say is my next favorite is by Ben Franklin, he said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still”.  Can anyone tell me why that’s so significant, and it why it ties in so well with Gandhi’s quote?  I don’t remember the commercial, but I do remember that there was this overweight gentleman in a suit, very large belly with a cigar in his mouth talking to another gentleman across from him and he kept poking him in the chest to make his point, which just made the other person angry.  My point is that you cannot make your point and convince someone else of your point by yelling, screaming, telling him or her that they’re wrong, and you’re right, or poking them in the chest.  Each of us has our own perceptions and must arrive at our own conclusions about the world on our own and through what we have already learned and experienced.

If I where here in front of you right now there are number of physical things I could do to get your attention to get my point across.  Some may be funny, some crass, some just plain out obnoxious, or I could get your attention by simply allowing you the freedom to listen to me without making you wrong, without trying to scare you, and without trying to brow beat you.

“Just a little change, small to say the least, both a little scared neither one prepared, Beauty and the Beast”.  So again the facts remain that men and women, communicate so differently.  I have had probably hundreds of conversations, perhaps maybe even thousands of conversations with groups about how different we are, and if we understand, truly understand our differences, and acknowledge them.

I’ll get back to this point in a minute, but it just reminds me of the fact that our vocabulary, the words we use, improperly many times, contributes to our inability to communicate succinctly and clearly.  Our words have contributed to more divorces, separations, and hurt than any other factor.  Words can heal or cut deeper than any sword.  Let’s face it you fell in love and said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone so how is it that you’re getting divorced.  Unfortunate choice of words, and poor communication make us do crazy things.  So crazy in fact that we seek out another person who we believe will understand us.  And what is typical is that a woman will usually go first to one of her female friends while a man doesn’t believe he can talk about these issues with another male so he will seek out the company of another woman and of course you know what that usually leads to, yep, even bigger problems.

So in my conversations with these groups neither gender, in most cases, understands how the other gender communicates.  So this is where I have to ask you another question, “Do you really want to understand, to know about how a woman communicates and how a man communicates and why they communicate the way they do?

Here’s the $64,000 question, “If you could truly understood how the opposite sex communicates and why they communicate the way they do, would you be willing to change how you have a conversation”?  If you knew that you would have more and better sex with your partner would that be enough of an incentive?  Gosh, I hope so.

You can’t have a conversation with a positive outcome if you are looking to get something out of it, or if you feel unappreciated, not heard or are on the defensive.  It must be about both of you having, achieving, a better relationship regardless of whether you’re having sex or not.  Okay, yes I know sex is good, but wouldn’t it be better if there weren’t so much dissension?  Because if you got along better then you would have more sex, of course you’d get along better, and you have more sex and you get along better.  You get the point.  By the way this works in business as well, not the sex part, but achieving a win-win outcome.

Do you know of or have you read the book, ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’?  Well it’s true, and while I may not agree with everything in the book, the fact remains that all the differences I talked about earlier helped create the differences in our communication or lack of communication, which causes so many problems in the whole world.

The last line goes like this, “Ever just the same, ever a surprise, ever as before and ever just as sure as the sun will rise”.  I really love the lyrics of this song because there is so much meaning in them as there is in many songs if you really listen.  The surprise is this; it’s when we recognize that we are the same.  It’s that ‘aha’ moment when you realize you’re talking to another human being, someone who wants all the same things that you do.  Yes, just like the sun rises every day, every day you can either make it a great conversation understanding the communication or not.  Then again if you don’t believe this is true then you probably believe that the sun doesn’t rise every day.

Finally, recognize that first you must be honest and truthful with yourself and understand who you are.  Because if you don’t then you’re just kidding yourself if you think you can have a better communication or a better conversation with anyone let alone someone close to you.

So here are some Do’s and Don’ts to improve your life and the lives of all those with whom you have a relationship, even the clerk at the store or the waiter at the restaurant.  Take the time to listen and understand, have compassion and show some love and respect.  I promise it will make your world, our world a much better place.

Do:
Honor one another
Observe, not judge
Speak the truth
Have integrity
Breathe, relax, listen, and hear
Allow the conversation to unfold
Ask questions
Be interested in them
Sincerely want to help
Be compassionate
Believe in yourself

Don’t:
Assume
Presume
Judge, just observe
Believe that only your way is the correct way
Think you are smarter than everyone else
Believe you have all the answers
Think you can do it all by yourself
Make up stuff about the other person or anyone else
Be afraid to ask for help
Think everyone wants something from you
Be envious or jealous
Be greedy

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